Okay, you’ve got to admire entrepreneurship, but sometimes, people in any profession ought to just stick to doing what they do best, and not venture too far afield. Here’s the beginning of a story in The Dickinson Press Saturday:
WILLISTON — A Williston-area truck driver has the solution for oil workers with nothing to do and a shortage of women. He’s throwing the “Party in the Patch” over Memorial Day weekend, advertising in Chicago, the Twin Cities and elsewhere to attract women to his weekend-long singles dance.
Organizer Troy McKinley said his goal is to attract one to two women for every five guys at the event. “This is not going to be a sausage fest,” McKinley said. “I’m trying to avoid that, to put it crudely.”
McKinley got the idea from the 2001 movie “Herman U.S.A.” about a Minnesota town with 78 bachelors who advertise for wives and are inundated with women. McKinley, a Minnesota native who has lived in the Williston area for three years, is using that same concept to draw single ladies to the party.
“I’m telling them to come out here and meet the guys out here who are making money working in the oil field,” McKinley said. He said he already has women lined up from Chicago and he’s going to continue advertising.
The event, May 25 through May 27, will be 25 miles south of Williston just north of Alexander on a 110-acre campground that is being developed, McKinley said. The event’s website, partyinthepatch.com, is selling tickets for the event and camp sites. McKinley also is reserving as many Williston hotel rooms as he can.
Tickets cost $150 for the whole weekend for men or $20 for women.
What’s wrong with this picture? Okay, let’s start at the beginning.
- This is not going to be like “Herman U.S.A.” This is not 78 aging bachelor farmers in Herman, Minnesota, population 452, advertising for women to come and meet them, and getting 1,500 visitors from 37 states and four foreign countries. This is more like 15,000 rowdy oil field workers with their pockets full of money and their snoots full of beer, average age about 25, who haven’t seen their wives or girlfriends for a year or so. About half the testosterone in the known world could be collected in Williams, McKenzie, Mountrail and Divide Counties right now.
- “Come out here and meet these guys who are making money in the oil field.” Yeah, sure, and if you fall in love, you can just stay here and move into the back of their pickup with them in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Oh, that’s right, can’t stay there any more. But there’s a nice approach just off County Road 40 with a good view of the stars at night. You can still run in to the Wal-Mart bathroom in the morning.
- Dude’s gonna bring “one or two girls” for each five men to a party. Yeah, I’m sure this is where I’m going to encourage my daughter or sister to spend the Memorial Day weekend. Hey, Moms and Dads, if you have a daughter graduating with a Harvard MBA this spring, this would make a truly great graduation present. Her life’s probably been pretty boring up until now, with all that studying and stuff. All it will cost is 20 bucks and an airline ticket. Don’t worry, she won’t need a motel room—she won’t have a problem finding a place to sleep.
- Already got some girls “lined up from Chicago.” Uh huh. What’s that 800 number?
- Five guys are gonna pony up $150 each (Since it is Memorial Day, veterans get a $25 discount) to get a chance to look at 1 or 2 girls. Let’s say a thousand guys show up. There’ll be a couple hundred girls there to party with them, the promoter says. Hmmmm. Well, just trim up that mullet and put on a clean tee-shirt, and come and take your chances. What’s a hundred and fifty bucks? An hour’s wages? Those girls only got to pay $20 though. I’d say, for a working girl, that might just be a pretty good investment.
- Not going to be a “sausage party.” Y’know, maybe I’ve been living under a rock, but I’ve never heard that term before. I looked it up. Urban Dictionary says:
- A party of only guys (or at least 80% guys), where there is a substantial abundance of wiener.
- When the number of males in an environment overwhelmingly exceeds the amount of females present.
- Any gathering that is made up of an unusually large percentage of guys.”
Okay, not as bad as I had imagined. Except for the “abundance of wiener” part.
- Memorial Day weekend. You know what the weather is normally like Memorial Day weekend in northwestern North Dakota? The U.S. Weather Service says the average high temperature is 66. Average. High. I can probably remember about half of my 64 Memorial Day weekends, and I don’t remember too many when I wanted to go to an outdoor dance and party. It’s usually cold, rainy and windy.
- Dude’s advertising though. Even got a website. www.partyinthepatch.com. Check it out. Got a sponsor listed already: Passion Parties by Darlene, The Party Lady. Your Passion Consultant and Sex Edu-Tainer (www.ThePartyLady.com). Check HER out. Or listen to her podcast at www.partygirlpartygirl.com. Or read her blog www.GreatSexSecretsBlog.com. The links are all right there on the Party In The Patch website.
- For legitimacy, the organizer says “One event planned is a bachelorette auction, with proceeds going to the local sheriff’s office and the fire department.” Oh, yeah. Sell a woman, and make it “legal” by giving the money to the cops. I suspect there’ll be a few of them around. Hope the organizer brings “one or two women” for the cops to enjoy too.
- Campsites on location rent for $20 a night. In a campground “that’s being developed.” In the next 90 days. Bet that’ll have a lot of amenities. Better bring your own generator. For a working girl with a pop-up camper (no pun intended), or a tent, though, that $20 is just another small investment that should pay off big time.
- “The event will not have strippers.” Well, at least not early in the evening. “Organizers plan to serve liquor Friday and Saturday and work with the local Eagles Club to obtain a liquor permit.” Well, that ought to work in the strippers’ favor. Get those dudes oiled up a bit before the dancing starts. And what a nice public-spirited thing for the Eagles (whose slogan is “The Fraternal Order of Eagles uphold and nourish the values of home, family and community that are so necessary and it seems so often get ignored and trampled in today’s society”) to do.
- “Shuttle service to Williston to prevent drunken driving.” Well, at least that’s a good idea. Where’s the pickup and dropoff point? Wal-Mart parking lot?
- “As he works on the details of the event, McKinley said people are telling him to expect as many as 4,000 to 5,000 attendees.” Well, so much for Zip to Zap being a really big deal. Yeah, right. We’ll see. Sausage or no sausage.
Sheesh. Western North Dakota gets goofier every day.